Blind Alleys

Underneath the complex labyrinth of human emotions, it’s difficult not to loose the rationale behind one’s deeds at times. The rationality in itself doesn’t breathe on its own; its very existence is defined by the person who beholds it.

I read once, “Greatest are the wars that a man fights within himself”. There are moments when one finds oneself being torn apart from the emotions arising within him or her. There is too much of pride and self-respect to show one’s naked emotions to the soulless, barren world and the war wages on. There is fear too. Fear of what, I don’t know precisely; may be, the fear of revealing one’s weakness, fear of loosing one’s esteem in other’s eyes, fear of an unknown darkness which threatens to engulf you.

We all have secrets; secrets which could either be evil or angelic, secrets which we hid beneath the walls and roof of our conscience, secrets which might destroy us or reborn us. These secrets define the very true nature of a human being. Because there is no escaping them, there is no faking them, there is no manipulating them; they are borne on their own, inside one’s conscience, feeding on the very same emotion of a being which has created it, developing a symbiotic relationship with its creator. These secrets fashion a lot of human emotions and actions like anger and patience, some championed to protect it and some to keep it away from the light of visibility; because we are never sure of them, we are never certain how they will shape out to be once they are out in the open. We are afraid of these secrets because of a very simple reason that human nature does not hold affinity to change, to bareness of its soul that’s why we guard it with utmost veracity in various manifestations of human emotions.

Amongst these secrets, fears, shame, anxiety breathes hope and happiness. Period. “Hope! The quintessential element of man’s greatest strength and also his weakest moment”. And truly so!! It is within our weakest moment that we find our greatest strength; it is within our greatest strength that we greet our fallacies. Happiness, how do I define it! I guess, happiness is a manifestation of goodness. By goodness, I do not mean charity, serving older and poorer, being a mantle of righteousness; goodness is something which makes you feel good. Could be the things I just said or could be spending time with friends and family, or drowning oneself in the high spirits of a party, or making love with your spouse-lover, or playing with your kids, your nephews-nieces, or reading a book, or enjoying a cup of tea or watching the sun-set, or watching an airplane fly, could be so many zillion whole lot of things. Goodness is something which brings out that one emotion inside you which makes you feel good about yourself. It need not be an ecstatic feeling, it need not be an orgasmic feeling, it need not be a GOD sent blessing; it’s just a tiny bubble bursting inside you which makes you feel good about your existence at that particular moment.

There is always a tussle going on between the “good-me” and “bad-me”. Sometimes, good-me wins, sometimes bad-me. I really don’t know what causes good-me to win or what causes it to loose. But I want my “good-me” to win; always. I think deep down inside all of us we want to be good, we want to be happy, we want to grow old merrier and “richer”. We all want our “good-me” to win, but somewhere deep inside us we fail our “good-me” for want of courage. The human nature is servile, submissive in its very core except for few non-radicals appearing now or then on the horizon of human kind. It is we who fail our goodness. It is we who fail our dreams for lack of courage and strength. It is we who do not listen to our instincts though we can hear it loud and clear because we do not trust our spirit. It is not that a human spirit is completely devoid of courage, character and strength; but we do not live up to our very own “good-me” choking inside us, gasping for that breath of courage and spirit; and this is something that is done both intently and instinctively to chain our spirit in the blind alleys of familiarity.

But remarkable is a man’s quest for prosperity, better future, a better being. It is this quest of man which makes him look outside those windows and doors. It is this quest of man which ignites that zeal to fly in that open sky, to meet that never ending horizon. It is this quest of man which gives him the character that resonates with his “good-me” and breathes life into it. It is this quest of man which dares him to find a way out of his blind alleys to a new era, a new land, a new mankind, a new path, a new journey. Not all achieve it, not all dare it. Only few kiss this glory and the rest of mankind basks in its glow.

Everyone wishes to drink this elixir of glory but what really makes a man achieve that? I guess there could never be any definitive answer to it. But if I may dare, “passion”, I say. This passion manifests itself in various quests that men embark upon. Passion alone does not bestow success. Passion alone has a very short life; it must co-exist with courage to meet its very cause of existence. Passion might drive you but it’s your courage that will take you to the very zenith of magnificence. “Courage of what?”, I hear. Courage to accept, courage to reject, courage to believe, courage to dare, courage to act, courage to submit; and triumph shall be yours. I once read or heard somewhere that ancient Greeks always used to ask just one question when a man used to die, “Did he have passion?”

Those voices inside you start making themselves audible - “Can I, Shall I, Could I, Will I?” as the roots of unrest starts finding its ground. Only destiny has the answers to the questions that we all are seeking and with time it will unravel itself; the most one can do is to put one’s best foot forward and let our “good-me” have a chance of striking it rich ! Let us celebrate what we are meant for, what we are destined for, what we shall journey for – a better being nevertheless.